Fools Reunited

All is revealed HERE!

Please remember to visit my blog in 2008

Yes that's right!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE - SEE YOU IN 2008!

....as I'm cabbage looking! Whatever that might mean

"Where is this leading?" I hear you asking. Well I've just been reading that well-known Austrian Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein and found this very interesting quote:

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness"

So there you are my daft friends we are in very good company. Welcome to my green valley!

Here's another couple of Ludwig's quotes (I'm getting to like this man!)

"If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done"

"Our greatest stupidities may be very wise"

This blog came to you courtesy of my Auntie's Christmas present - the book "Fools Aren't Aways Daft"

Quick let's get over there and see what's going on! You never know who you might meet.

Happy Birthday RAMPAGE!

Just look at the one I pulled this year ......

What a cracker!

As you all know Christmas Crackers usually contain either a motto (if you're posh!) or a joke. As this blog is crackers I thought we should collect a few so please feel free to add your own joke or motto in the comments section.

Here's mine:

Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck!

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried"

Go on - you know you want to!

Now let's party!

Well I really pulled out all the organ stops for this greeting!

Boredrich you merry gentleman
There’s nothing more to say
Remember Dafter loves you
When you wake on Christmas Day!

WARNING

You are about to enter a daft blog which might seriously affect your sanity.

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Well I thought that I was daft but you should my blog friend Faffajane's blog.

Faffajane is by no means a plain Jane She does her very best to keep everyone chuckling even when she has a pain in her neck whereas I'm just plain daft and a pain in everyone's backside neck!

So when I was lucky enough to draw her number I was well happy! - how daft is that?

So FJ this one's for you:

Have a lovely Christmas - keep smiling

A puppy isn't just for Christmas!

Anybody seen my pooch?

Sorry to disturb you while you're stuffing your face with your Mum's baking working hard.

Have a lovely Christmas!

In earlier postings I "proved" that Rudolph was a girl and flaunted the "rules" on political correctness and was reported to the relevant authority. To make amends here is a PC version of Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph was a four-hoofed ungulate, who, incidentally, possessed a nasal appendage of a maroon lustre. Consequently, if circumstances were to present themselves that he ever came into your view, you would most undoubtedly remark at to its illuminary qualities.

Wreck the Mall (to the tune of Deck the Halls)

Wreck the Malls this Christmas Seasons,
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Blow your cash for no good reason,
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Push your charge card to the limit;
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la;
Your checkbook now has nothing in it.
Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

Your number's up!

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
down the stairs to have a peep;
She thought that I was tucked
up in my bedroom fast asleep.
Then, I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white;
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night.

HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS!

Oh Little Town of Portsmouth

Oh little town 'neath moonlit skies
How still we see thee sleep.
As through the streets and on the roofs
A hooded figure creeps.
He climbs down all your chimneys
He carries a large sack..
He fills it with your valuables
Then quickly hurries back!

To the tune of "Away in a Manger"

Out on the front lawn where Old Saint Nick lay,
He slipped on our roof top,fell out of his sleigh

I think that his necks broke,but, hey, thats ok,
I took all his presents for my christmas day.

He won't be discovered nobody will know,
’cos I covered his body with two feet of snow,

It's not a real big loss that he died that way,
Cause no one believed in Santa anyway.

......Whoever she may be!

Ho! ho! ho!

Not a Christmas one but what the heck!

Rusty Hinge

When I speak
does it scare you?

Should I squeak quietly
as an oiled rusted hinge
who knows the way a door turns
yet can not creak to say?

LIFE
is the door
I
am the hinge
that has been deficit
of oil frequently
I might say

but yes, yes,
I agree
a rusty hinge can
oxidize and break

So try …
oil me if you must

But…
it had better be heavy weight oil!

For I am not tempered
to stand a test of crime
against my word

And
keep in mind
oil seeps through me
as fire on a bed of straw
on dry August days
and
sometimes eagle eyes
can spot
fingerprints on glass
too clearly at times
… I admit

STILL
don’t think I’ll turn to clay
How can I?

The day will never come
when old rusty hinge of iron
forfeits to oxidation
and sedation of the will

We can
flow along smoothly
oil and hinge
as
I will creak … you will oil
moan …

BUT
never, ever
try halt my process
for I am an original
and so by these means

I

SPEAK!

©Charlotte Muir

Frosty The Snowman
(Steve Nelson/Jack Rawlins)

Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul
With a corn cop pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal

Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say
He was made out of snow
But the children know how he came to life one day
There must of been some magic in
That ol' silk cap they found
For when they placed it on his head
He began to dance around

Frosty the snowman was alive as he could be
And the children say he could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me

Frosty the snowman knew the snow was hot that day
So he said lets run and have some fun before I melt away
Down to the village with a broom stick in his hand
Runnin' here and there all around the square
Sayin' catch me if you can

He led them down the streets of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler stop

Frosty the snowman
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved goodbye sayin' please don't cry
I'll be back again some day

If you are a woman of a sensitive disposition do not look at this BANNED MATERIAL

Go on report me!

........... not to dust!

"What now?" I hear you cry!

HAVE A LOVELY EVENING

I hate that phrase - don't you? Sadly though the weekend is coming to an end and tomorrow it's back to work!

So here's a prayer for Monday morning:

Serenity Under Pressure

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pi**ed me off.

Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the ability to accept the things I can't and the capacity to tell the difference between the two.

When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to pi** me off, help me to remember that it takes 43 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile.

Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday.

Well it's Saturday again - doesn't time fly when you're being daft?

The X-factor is slowly reaching the end so I thought it was time to introduce a bit more variety into the weekend. Permit me to present the Y-factor!............... Why? ..... Why not?

Dafter wants to know ..........

Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

Why when asked "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" does no one ever reply, "A BOAT"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? If they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to cure it?

Why is it when you get from here to there, you're still here and not there?

Why are they called apartments when they are stuck together?

Why don't we get dizzy from the world spinning so fast?

Why is Greenland white?

What? ............

You know you want to .....!

The Two-Toed Tree-Toad

A tree-toad loved a she-toad
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a two-toed tree-toad,
But a three-toed toad was she.
The two-toed tree-toad tried to win
The three-toed she-toad's heart,
For the two-toed tree-toad loved the ground
That the three-toed tree-toad trod.
But the two-toed tree-toad tried in vain;
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree-toad bower,
With her three-toed power,
The she-toad vetoed him.

Anon.

Earlier I introduced you to my choice of 10 must read books for the Autumn. Now Dafter's Book Club is pleased to recommend the following DIY and Hobby Books just in time for that last minute Christmas present.

The Leaky Tap
by Constant Dripping

Vegetable Gardening
by Rosa Cabbages

Carpet Fitting
by Walter Wall

Improve Your Garden
by Anita Lawn

Country Dancing
by Hans Kneesanboomsadaisy

Birdwatching
by Jack Daw

Kung Fu for Beginners
by Flora Mugga

Pig Breeding
by Lena Bacon

Parachuting Jumping
by Hugo Furst

Igloo Building
by S Keemo

Shattering the Myth!