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DAFTER'S DIET #1

Well it's that time of year when everyone tries to get rid of the excess pounds 'acquired' over the festive period. I told you before how I'm fed up of TESCO sending me emails about their diet so I've devised my very own TESCO DIET PLAN

We've got the Atkins diet, the South Beach diet and the Weightwatcher’s diet. I'd like to introduce an even cheaper and more effective diet, DAFTER'S TESCO DIET PLAN! It's cost effective and easy to do even on your busiest shopping day. Here's how it works.

Start by making a grocery list of 10 or more items and then head to your local TESCO or similar store. When you get there, carefully tear your list into strips and put all the strips in your pocket. Grab a shopping trolley and you're ready to go!

Pull out the first strip and make your way all the way across the store to that item. As you trek through the store, you will see vendors giving out free food samples. As you pass the third one, take a sample of what ever they are selling. Repeat with each strip of paper until you have finished your shopping. By the time you are finished, you will have eaten 5 to 10 samples and will have walked at least 5 miles.

There are several important points to remember;

1) There is a law of nature that says, "Whatever you look for in TESCO will be on the opposite side of the store." This ensures that you will walk far enough to satisfy the British Heart Foundation's exercise requirement.

2) Do not skip the melba-toast with cream cheese sample in order to get the Ben and Jerry's ice cream sample. It's the randomness of the food selection that guarantees a balanced diet.

3) Do not double dip. Getting two samples from the same vendor at the same time is NOT acceptable. We know you won't get two samples of fried squid to make up for it, so don't kid yourself when you grab that second cup of ice cream.

If you don't have paper to write your shopping list on, you can get a similarly random list by calling your spouse. "Hi! I'm at TESCO, want anything?" will almost always result in half a dozen things that you just have to buy. Don't forget to pick up a 10 pack of writing pads on aisle 10.

THERE! I TOLD YOU IT WAS EASY! IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS ONE I'LL FIND ANOTHER ONE TO SUIT YOU! WATCH THIS BLOG!