Fools Reunited

In my continuing effort to bring a little culture to BCUK.

Films you will probably never see, but perhaps ought to:

A FRIDGE TOO FAR - Tom Hanks carries a fridge to Texas and gets a hernia.

FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNNEL - A ship's Captain conducts marriages.

GOON WITH THE WIND - Harry Secombe as Captain Scarlet O'Hara - frankly my dear I don't give a – (raspberry sound effects)

THE LYING WITCH IN THE WARDROBE - No, you can't get to Narnia this way - you have to jump out of the 15th storey window to get there now... off you go.

MIME BANDITS - people steal mime artists from all periods of time and space - no one hears anyone scream for help.

MIRTHQUAKE - (In Sensurround) a giant Ken Dodd tickles everyone to death.

RETURN OF THE JED - Jed Clampett saves Jethro and Eli-may from the dark side in the vault at the Darth-Drysdale Bank

SATURDAY NIGHT BEAVER - after a week of working on a dam, a beaver goes out on the pull

SHAVING PRIVATE RYAN – Soldier gets rid of his beard before battle.

SPONGER BOB SQUAREPANTS – Jovial sea creature makes false claims for social security.

STAR TREK 2 – THE BATH OF KHAN – Ricardo Montablan gets cleaned up.

STAR TREK 3 - THE BIRCH FOR SPOCK – Corporal Punishment – Vulcan style.

STAR TREK 5 - THE FINAL FRONT EAR – Spock grows a new ear in the front of his head.

TRADERS OF THE LOST CAR PARK Indiana Jones and David Dickenson seek the cheapest car boot sales in Clapham.

POPCORN ANYONE?

Why not say a big welcome to my new blogfriends midorikaeru and joebangles

One to be taken three times a day between meals!

MORNING:

An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating
for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy,
"We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two
rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate
food and cooking separate meals. We should just
move in together.

Betsy: Whose house would we live in?
Elmer: Mine, it is already paid for.
Betsy: Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?
Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine.
Betsy: Who would do the cooking?
Elmer: You cook and I'll do the dishes.
Betsy: What about sex?
Elmer: Infrequently.
Betsy: Is that one word or two?

AFTERNOON:

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

NIGHT:

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is.

"It's fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me."

The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing.

"Oh, my God!" says the daughter. "He's been using the fridge again!"

JUST WHAT DAFTER ORDERED! HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER