Fools Reunited

You were warned!

Go on admit it! You did didn't you?

..... being sensible!

So ...... go on then ...... what exactly are you giving up?

The Pancake Tossing World Record

The Rules:

(If you want to break a record that is published in a record book or governed by an international authorithy, there may be other or additional rules).

The record is for the number of times a pancake (the same on each time) can be tossed in two minutes. It should be made with 170 g (6 oz) of batter, in a pan with a base measurement of 15.2 cm (6 in). The ingredients used should be edible and comprise flour, eggs and milk.

The frying pan should weight at least 340 g (12 oz) and have a base measurement of at least 21.5 cm (8 1/2 in.)

The number of tosses should be counted and recorded in a satisfactory manner, and this figure confirmed in the signed statements.

World Records from 1988 to 1997

232 Philip Artingstall (Great Britain) 16-02-1988
262 Philip Artingstall (Great Britain) 28-04-1988
281 Judith Aldridge (Great Britain) 27-02-1990
283 Philip Artingstall (South Africa) 22-05-1992
307 Philip Artingstall (South Africa) 23-02-1993
349 Dean Gould (Great Britain) 14-01-1995
399 Dean Gould (Great Britain) 1997
416 Ralf Laue (Germany) 28-06-1997

** Tosses head and flaunts off!

Ask me if I'm bothered!

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care!

HAVE A GOOD ONE!

Now this isn't going to hurt - apart from a little tickle to your ribs perhaps.

In case you think I've completely lost it, this is Dafter's daily dose of medicine to help my blogfriend Ed (Wensum24) keep smiling.

English As A Fifth Language

A European pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.

"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.

"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.

"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.

The guy drives off frustrated. The first chap turns to the second
and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."

"What for?" asks the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it
didn't do him any good."

Bye for now - I'll be back to give you a bed bath later!

No! Well they didn't have a "Daftest Blogger" category so I guess I'm in a class of my own!

Good luck to all the Bloscar Nominees

This is especially for my friend Ed (Wensum24) your daily dose of daftness as prescribe by me!

I hope that this night nurse is more to your liking?

A little 8 year old boy wanted to be circumcised when he realized he looked different than dad and his friends. The day after the proceedure he returned to school. During class, he became uncomfortable and asked for permission to go to the nurse. When he arrived at her office, he hesitated and finally just asked if he could call his mother. Sensing this was personal, the nurse stepped into the hall and closed the door to allow him privacy. Several minutes later the little boy came out of her office and the nurse noticed his penis was sticking out of his pants. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Back to class," said the boy. "But you can't go back like that!" explained the nurse. "I have to," stressed the boy. "My mother said that if I could just stick it out until lunchtime, she would come and pick me up."

When you're woken up at midnight by a phone call and someone asks "Sorry. Were you sleeping?"

Here are some more examples of stupid questions people ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers.

1. At the movies, when you meet friends---

Q: Hey, what are you doing here?

A: Well, it's so hot so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In a bus, a girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet---

Q: Sorry did that hurt?

A: No, not at all, Why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral, one of the teary-eyed people asks

Q: Why, Why, him of all people.

A: Why ? would it rather of have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter ----

Q: Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?

A: No, its terrible and we occasionally spit in it.

5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years –

Q: Why dear, you've become so Big.

A: Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask -----

Q: Is the guy your marrying good?

A: No, he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...Its just the money.

7. When you see a friend with evidently shorter hair -------

Q: Have you had a hair cut?

A: No, its autumn and I'm shedding

8. At the dentists when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth -------

Q: Tell me if it hurts?

A: And while I'm telling you, you tell me if I bite.

9. You are smoking a cigarette and someone asks-----

Q: Oh, so you smoke?

A: No, it's a miracle.....it was a chalk and know its in flames!

That's all folks - have a daft day - keep smiling!

This is for all you bloggers who find time to blog in your "lunchtime"!! OK so why are you reading this NOW?

Here are some very good excuses if you get caught sleeping at your workstation!

I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

It's okay...I'm still billing the client.

They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time-management course you sent me to.

Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

I'm in the management training program

Actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I was dreaming about work!

Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.

Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!

Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.

The postman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.

So take your pick!

Sorry about this but the weekend is nearly over. Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? Then all too soon it's Monday morning again. This brings me neatly to that four letter word:-

For anyone thinking about a career change beware of the following terms:-

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.

ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.

CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.

SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission cheque.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Have a great week and don't overdo it!